Anger

It’s a shameful emotion, we are told to control our anger. Because if left unchecked it has the power to destroy. Now that I am still, and I’ve let my emotions settle or fester depending on how you look at it. I can feel my own anger, I know that it’s that determining step before the wall comes way up. So I’m going to try and understand my anger, because I don’t want to retreat to that lonely place again.

I’m angry at him because he made me feel like maybe just for a second there was still a chance for him and I. I’m angry because he didn’t just shut me out from the beginning, he allowed me into his space and I felt those feelings again. Now he’s not speaking to me, I don’t know what he’s thinking and I’m agonising because I’m waiting for the blow. I’m angry at him because I was hurting, and I can own up to the fact that I pushed him away and hurt him… He let me leave.. For a full year he was fine without me. You were fine without him to, how do you think that made him feel?

#Lie number 3: I just want one honest conversation where he tells me that he hates me, and that he never wants to see me again. I can handle that, rejection is where I live most of the time. What I can’t handle is the unknown… The what ifs.

Why do I have to love him so much!!! Why did I allow myself to fall in love with him,why does our love cause so much pain and confusion.

His silence cuts deeper than any words he could ever say, and now I get it. Just a little bit of what he went through. So I’m going to fight the urge to run into my safety bubble. I’m going to ride this wave… And for the first time i’m not going to invalidate my feelings.

My question to you is, what emotions do you run from and why?

Yours Sincerely

A girl whose anger, is just fear in disguise…