A letter I wrote to him… But never sent.

In the end all I’ve ever wanted from you was for you to love me. I thought that if I just did more, fought for you harder, you would, but you didn’t. Then I would leave and try to forget you, and every single time without fail you let me. And when I came back you would say you loved me and missed me. But you were fine without me for that time, there was a time when you even said to me that you had tried to move on… You tried to move on. It confirmed to me just how little I meant to you, just how easily you could replace me. So even when I would stay, it came back that I was wasting my time that in the end I loved you more and for once I just wanted to be loved more. To come first. It killed me and my self- esteem because I thought so highly of you, in my eyes you were perfect and I was the one who wasn’t good enough. It would make me feel so weak that I still loved you the way I did, and that I kept crawling back to you like I had no self worth. When my mom died that’s when I actually felt the most powerful. Again I left and you let me.I remember when I wanted to go back again like I always did, and I found out that all this time that I was in agony and all this time when all i wanted was your love. You had moved on yet again. For the first time I actually hated you, and I told myself that I didn’t love you. That what I felt was desperation and I needed to move on. So I tried that, and hurt someone else in the process because you can always feel when someone doesn’t truly love you. Still here I am, with the same love that I’ve always felt. Still with the same hope that you will see me, and fight for me and give me all of your love. I’ve come to a point where I wish that I didn’t love you, so that I could actually move on with my life.I deserve to be loved completely, and I’m worth fighting for. I am the kind of woman that you marry, and who holds a house down. I am worth it, and even if you never see that I want to be able to move on from you, to someone that will. I gave you my heart right from the start and I honestly feel like i’ve been paying for it ever since.

Sincerely

The woman that LOVED you to the point of destruction.